Recently, I had the opportunity to spend a day outside with Sterling, my 9-month-old son. It was a packed day of having fun in the sun. The first half of the day we watched a pickleball tournament, and the other half was spent on the golf course playing 18 holes with a few other friends (Sterling's first time golfing). 

This was a special day, which is why I wanted to write about it in this journal. There were aspects of that day that I noticed and reflected on that apply directly to what writing this journal is all about. 

Opportunity?

Maybe you didn't notice, but I referred to the day I'm talking about as an "opportunity". Now, that may sound weird, referring to a day I spent with my son as an "opportunity," but it genuinely was. Here’s why: 

How often do I take moments with family and friends for granted, even though there is real importance to them? Quite often, I'd say. It's so easy to go through the motions and create tunnel vision around the small inconveniences and hassles while missing the surrounding picture that offers more to us. 

This day with my son was special to me, because I experienced awareness, gratitude, and growth. I was able to mitigate the nagging temptations that tried to capture my attitude and attention, and return to what I was experiencing that was most important to me.

Nagging Temptations

What were those nagging temptations? Here are some rapid-fire thoughts I experienced throughout the round of golf that you may relate to in your own life context:

• “Am I ruining this for everyone by bringing Sterling along?’

• “Am I selfish for being here?”

• “Is he getting sunburnt?”

• “Is he suffering?”

• “Is he too hot?”

• “I should have just stayed home with him.”

• “Why did I even take Sterling along to this if he’s not even enjoying it and is upset the whole time?”

• “I’m not going to golf well if I’m always thinking about Sterling.”

• “I hope people aren’t annoyed because I’m not golfing well.”

• “Do they want us to stay for all 18 holes or do they want us to leave after 9?”

This is a small sample of thoughts that ran through my mind. At times, I fell captive to my thoughts, and my frustration grew. However, I was able to notice my thoughts and how those thoughts were impacting my emotions and behavior. 

Practice What You Preach

There were moments when I consciously chose to let my nagging thoughts sit in my mind and assess what their function was. I examined how they affected my attention, body language, interaction with others (especially Sterling), and my golf performance. When I dictated my relationship to my thoughts, I was able to reference them to my values. My values guided me on how to move forward and react to my thoughts and feelings. In general, my behavior was more desirable when I used techniques to foster mental flexibility.

Now, it’s important to note that I wasn’t perfect. There were numerous moments where I “failed” and let my thoughts and feelings dictate my behavior. That’s when my frustration and embarrassment festered and lingered. I became more irritable, and my enjoyment of what was happening around me was stolen.

It’s okay that I didn’t notice, defuse, accept, and commit to values-based actions every single time I faced discomfort. I’m human. I’m still able to look back on the experience as a special opportunity because I know what the bigger picture is; that day was overflowing with what matters the most to me in my life, and I did my best to enjoy it to the fullest. 

How does this apply to you?

Here is some food for thought:

• Think about a recent situation where you felt frustrated by small inconveniences. If you zoomed out, was there an "opportunity" hidden in that moment that you took for granted?

• What does your mind typically say to you when you are trying to enjoy a moment, but things aren't going perfectly?

• The next time you feel that mental tunnel vision closing in, what is one value you can use to widen your perspective?

Thank you for being here,

SPB

P.S. — My 1-on-1 coaching is built on this exact philosophy - we get to learn from one another. If this post resonated with you and you're curious about how these ideas could apply to your own life or performance, you can learn about my services or schedule a free 15-minute call.