A Piece on Values—There's Always A Move To Make

The Deceptive Simplicity of Values

You can master every mental skill there is and still feel directionless.

That realization hit me when I was first introduced to ACT. Somehow, the approach filled a hole I wrestled with in my previous training. Traditional approaches gave me tools, but never provided the why behind them. Values did. 

Even with this realization, it’s been difficult for me to fully comprehend what values are and how they influence day-to-day life. I still find myself getting stuck when examining what I value and how those values present themselves. In and of themselves, values are simple; it’s the mind that gets in the way. Various influences and pressures nudge our thoughts and distract us from what truly matters to us.

So, what is a clear-cut definition of values? Here’s my answer: Chosen standards that we live by. 

Let’s break it down.

Chosen: What you value is a conscious choice that you make; the direction you take is entirely under your control.

Standards: Different synonyms can be used here (qualities is the word I’ve seen used in ACT books), but I chose this word because it makes the clearest sense to me. These are specific ways of behaving or approaching a task.

Live by: Consistently and continually completing our daily tasks through the structure of standards we set for ourselves.

Shouldn’t this be really easy to do in our lives? It’s pretty simple, right? We decide how we want to live our lives, and we do it. Well… not really. How often do we fall out of line with our standards? How do we know if we’re living by our values if we’ve never paused to contemplate what’s actually meaningful to us?

This is why finding and living our values isn’t as easy as it seems. Every day of life is packed full of distractions, influences, pressures, and temptations that sneakily and subtly pull our attention and actions away from what truly matters to us. We let outside factors tell us what matters instead of planting our foot in the ground and making the decision for ourselves. Values are consciously chosen, not unconsciously absorbed. 

So what do we do when faced with situations where we are getting pulled away from what’s meaningful? 

Always Present, Always A Move To Make

This is the exact turning point where the concept of values is so powerful and separates from the reach of traditional mental skills training (self-talk, visualization, emotion regulation, etc.). There is always somewhere to go, no matter what, when, where, how, or why. Being grounded in our values provides an endless source of comfort, confidence, and motivation. They are the innermost connections that keep us moving forward regardless of the circumstances. Values provide flexibility.

Here’s an example: A tennis player double-faults. Instead of spiraling and dragging their mistake over to the next point, they choose courage and move forward.

The more I reflected on this, the more unsettling it became. Everything I had learned up to that point was about managing thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in the moment—techniques designed to prevent mistakes from derailing performance. But values weren’t about managing anything. They didn’t try to stop the double fault, fix the frustration, or erase the tension. They simply gave a direction to move toward.

When I grasped this understanding around values, I wondered to myself what the purpose of the traditional techniques of psychological skills training may be. Again, my training mainly focused on traditional approaches, so it bothered me that values-work made so much sense to me. After wrestling with this tension, I realized that traditional skills don’t become useless—they become purposeful once they are anchored in values.

I think traditional techniques can be supplemental to values-work. It may be beneficial to try implementing ______ (insert a skill) into your performance regimen; however, establishing a foundation of values to build the skill from allows the performer to apply the skill critically. A skill used without a value behind it may work temporarily, but eventually crumbles, like a house built on sand instead of a rock. 

What happens when performance crumbles? Without values, mistakes become dead ends; with values, mistakes become moments of choice. It’s important to note that bad performances are always going to happen, even if you are in line with your values. But the flexibility that comes with values-based living is that you always have a move to make after a bad performance. You can pick up right from where you left off, with space to adjust and fine-tune your mental skills. 

These previous thoughts remind me of another layer of why using values can seem somewhat provocative. As humans, we become accustomed to the mindset of fix, fix, fix. We tell ourselves we must do this or change that. Why can’t we just let things be? Why are we in such a rush? Values challenge the “fixing” mindset because they don’t demand perfection; they invite direction. We’ll unpack that in a later journal.

Values & Alternative Motions

So what’s the relationship between values and the pursuit of Alternative Motions?

In many ways, values are the engine behind them. When we drift away from what matters most to us, we slip into autopilot—reacting to pressures and letting circumstances decide where we go. Living this way requires no intention, just inertia. By contrast, living according to our values demands effort and awareness. It asks us to resist the pull of distraction and choose actions that reflect who we truly want to be. While this isn’t always easy, the reward—integrity, purpose, and a deep sense of alignment—far outweighs the fragile comfort of instant gratification.

An Alternative Motion is choosing to act from our values rather than from habit, pressure, or convenience. It is movement fueled by direction, not impulse.

Here are a few questions I’ve been thinking about that help reveal whether I’m moving through life intentionally or merely moving:

• What are my values?

• What are actions in my day-to-day life, no matter how big or small, that don’t align with my values?

• How do I respond when I catch myself shifting away from what matters to me?

  • Do I give in? Do I disregard it? Do I place the blame on something or someone else? 

• Are there certain roles in my life where I display my values more or less than others? (Father, husband, son, brother, consultant, teacher, etc.)

• Are there certain situations or environments where I let external factors decide what I value?

• What are specific actions I can take today to live according to my values?

Make The Move

I humbly invite you to take this beyond reflection and into motion. It’s one thing to understand values, and it’s another to live by them. The real work begins when we choose direction in our lives.

Your Task: As your first step toward an Alternative Motion, identify 3 values you want to guide your performance and write them down. Put them somewhere you notice them. Notice if they influence your actions, not just your thoughts.

Once you know your direction, what happens when the road gets rocky? Values don’t remove discomfort; instead, they give you a way through it. That’s where we’re headed next; we're exploring one of the more challenging components of the Alternative Motion Framework: discomfort.

Thanks for being here.

-SPB

P.S. — My 1-on-1 coaching is built on this exact philosophy - we get to learn from one another. If this post resonated with you and you're curious about how these ideas could apply to your own life or performance, you can learn about my services or schedule a free 15-minute call.